May 13, 2008 10:42 A.M. Weight: 161.0 lbs.
The past few days I have had ample opportunity to consume copious amounts of not-so-healthy foods. I have not particularly avoided much. The motivation to do so has been lacking since I'm not too terribly out of sorts with my 160 weight. Not that I'm a waif or anything but I do have to admit from time to time that you can see my clavicle and my legs look dang good in their bike shorts. Hey - I could be a plus-size model! You know, it has always bugged me that plus sized models wear size 12s which are not, in fact, plus sized. Anyway, it started with Friday night's cookies and bars, went to Saturday's homemade pizza, granola bars, and chips, proceeded to Sunday's Mother's Day lunch at IHOP (blueberry stuffed french toast anyone?), and ended at yesterday's Old Country Buffet dinner with my Mother In Law. Now, really, yesterday I had salad with no dressing and sliced roast turkey and I was pretty well behaved when you don't consider the two desserts I grabbed to share with the kids. I was a little excited about our trip to OCB. It has a reputation for being the gathering place for the local plus-sized people. It makes sense, all you can eat buffet all the time. We like it because the buffet style suits impatient kids well and it also allows them to pick and choose crazy meals like Jessie last night. She had fish sticks, black olives, mushrooms, Jell-O, corn and carrots. No restaurant would put a meal like that on their menu. I was interested in noting that the clientele that particular night was not dominated by severely overweight people. It was also nice to be able to go to the buffet to get plate after plate of stuff for the kids without worrying that people are thinking disgusting thoughts about me and my own weight issues while I bring more and more food back to my table. All the same, by last night I was pretty sure I had overdone it enough. Still, I wouldn't have cared if I hadn't gotten that 161 today at the gym. THAT, friends, means it is time to stop celebrating… whatever… and eat right. Especially because for the run this weekend I'd like to get a good time (IE - anything at all under 50:20 if I just run the 5 miles) so I'm not going to be pushing it hard at the gym this week. I ran 3 miles yesterday, ellipted 30 minutes today, and I will be hitting the elliptical again tomorrow for the final workout before the run.
I hope that you all enjoyed and/or lived through Mother's Day. Back in 2003, the Mother's Day after Anily had died, I recall driving into work and they were talking about it being Mother's Day on the radio. I was still not pregnant again - in fact - I was not even having cycles to TRY to get pregnant yet at that time. There was this contest for who had the worst Mother's Day. Women were calling in describing how their terribly misled husbands were not only failing to plan anything special, but forcing them to interact with their children during what should've been their one day off. It turned into a whine fest of women about how much time they had to spend all day long with their wretched children. I wanted to vomit. I wanted to cry and scream and vomit. I figured though, that I was a shoe-in for the damn contest. *I* spent Mother's Day that year curled up on my bed hugging the teddy bear that was wearing the little outfit Anily had worn in the hospital to my chest sobbing pitifully for my little girl that was buried in a coffin the size of a bassinet - just wishing that my husband would've had the chance to be so unthoughtfull as to force me to actually spend time in the loving presence of my daughter. So I called up and entered myself into the contest and finished it off by saying I cannot believe the radio station would be so crass as to have a "Worst Mother's Day Ever" contest and even consider women who have all their children alive and healthy in the running. Oddly enough, they never aired my phone call. In fact, they stopped airing anything related to the contest at all. They didn't say who won they didn't talk about it they didn't apologize for being dumb or anything. It just vanished right off the airways. I was pissed off. I'm pretty sure I had deserved that spa day package they were giving away. (That was sarcasm, BTW, I don't even remember what the prize was.) Actually, I was a little irritated they didn't publicly apologize but all in all, at least they stopped it.
That was a long time ago. Now I have my hands full, that's for sure! I'll tell you though, I could have 20 kids (just call me Duggar) and I'd still miss Anily. Having other children doesn't change that grief. It does change the part where I worried about ever having more, or ever having a daughter. That's not the same. For my Mother's Day this year, the kids jumped into my bed in the morning and presented me with a necklace. It is a heart with a little opal (Oct birthstone - mine) at the top and 4 little hanging birthstones on the bottom. Ruby for Gavin, Amethyst for Anily, Opal for Jessie, and Emerald for Ash. Then my husband went downstairs to play on the computer and made me take care of the kids all day long. Actually, we all went out to Menards to visit with my Mother In Law who had to work that day and look at the different swing set options. We've been planning on using our tax refund to get a big swing set thing for our backyard. Then we went to IHOP and I ate what I'm pretty sure was a giant frosting and blueberry pie filling stuffed doughnut under the guise of "Stuffed French Toast". Then we went home for an extremely late nap for Asher. At this point I should've gone to the gym but I didn't. Instead, working under the self-righteous concept of it being Mother's Day and I don't have to go to the gym, I pretty much just loitered around the house doing laundry. Hey, what did YOU do this weekend?
