Weight: 160.0 lbs.
Yesterday I was up (weight-wise) due to eating these veggi-chips while I was working at my computer the day before. ya, they were healthier than normal chips. No, I should not have eaten 3 servings. No, I didn't help things last night. I found this snack called 'veggie bootie'. It is like fake popcorn with spinach and kale or something like that. Ya, also healthier than regular junk food. No, I should not have eaten the 4 serving bag with ~120 calories per serving. I've known for awhile that it is safer for me to put a serving in a bowl and bring that with me. Bringing the bag has brought temptation so I tend to not do it. I guess I wasn't thinking last night. Anyway, I didn't actually eat all that many calories so I know there's plenty of water sitting around so I don't feel quite so pathetic. I also know I'm just waiting on good old "cycle day 1" so I'll use that as my excuse too.
Speaking of that... come ON cycle day 1!! I've had no progesterone shots for a good 24 hours plus at this point. I wonder how long it takes. The agency is talking about putting me back on BCPs again so who knows how long we've got at this point. That is one thing I remember about trying to conceive in the past. The enormity of how long it can take is breathtaking, and that's when it is just the 'natural' way. For me this time around it is a little surreal because the details, the timing, it has very little effect on my life. I mean, I'm not thinking about birthday spacing or age gaps with my kids. I'm not thinking about how long it will be for a major life change to take place. For me, the only real effect is the specific here and now stuff like appointments conflicting with plans in my life. Those are little things. On the other hand, I know very well how the loss of a cycle feels to a family that IS waiting for that major life change. I can feel empathy for the dads that are living this waiting game and while I'm here trying to help, there is nothing I can do to make this go faster.
For my workout this morning, I ran 1 mile and then did the rowing machine for 20 minutes. No one was on the machine today! YAY! I've been noticing that one of Gavin's friend's mom works out at the gym at the same time as me. I don't know if she's seen me but I'd have to think she has. We haven't said hi or anything yet. Why is the social life of adults so weird? Why can't I, an extrovert in the extreme, just go out of my way to go say hi to someone? Why do I get so nervous and self conscious? I think it is weird.
