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Welcome to my blog. I'm Robyn. I was born in October '74 (so I don't have to keep upping my age every year.) I'm married to Kris, my military guy that married me, a pagan hippie. I have 4 children, 3 living, I work fulltime as an IT business analyst (aka - computer dork) and I have worked very hard to get out from under obesity. This blog was originally about the weight loss journey, however now it is about my life. After having lost my 2nd child, Anily, during her full term delivery after a perfectly normal pregnancy, I got involved in a group called "Missing Grace". That is a group that helps people through pregnancy and infant loss, infertility, and adoption. Through this group I found an agency that helped me to DO SOMETHING about all the infertility I saw around me every day. I am in the beginning of a surrogacy journey in which I will be the gestational carrier. I've never done this before so I have to admit I don't know all of what I'm about to take on. I guess we'll find out. In the meantime, I'll blog about my life. My stillbirth, parenting, weightloss, maintaining, working, surrogacy, whatever else happens, life.
The Human Race 8K - 56:17
The Bunker Hills Run 8K - 50:20
Eagan Fun Run 2 mile - 20:05, 5 mile - 54:07
Operation Life
Friday, 4 April 2008
April 4, 2008 9:15 A.M. Weight: 160.0 lbs. Stretch-day today. I've got the 8k tomorrow morning bright and early so I'm taking a rest day today. I still got up early and went to the gym but I just did some light stretches and muscle toning work with the bands. My hamstrings are so darn tight I'm just now getting to the point where I can grab my feet with my legs straight.
My older son evidentally still thinks I'm overweight. Part of me wanting to get into better shape was because Gavin was getting old enough to realize that I was overweight. He had made comments, innocent ones, about how I was overweight. Things like "Mom, why do you eat vegitables but you're still fat?"
The other day, Jessie said "Mom, I'm growing big like you!" and Gavin replied "You don't want to be fat like Mom." Now - even if I WAS overweight he'd have been told you don't say things like that about people HOWEVER, I'm NOT overweight. I'm NOT fat. I have a BMI of 24. I look worlds different from what I used to look like - can't he SEE that? I couldn't believe it. Here all along I'm thinking that I'm setting a good example and he doesn't even see it. I even tried TELLING him that I'd lost all that weight and worked really hard and I'm in much better shape and he kept saying "Well, you are fatter than 'person's name here'." Now, in truth, the person that he was refering to is NOT in better shape than myself. That person has been getting in worse shape as the years go by. ARG! Apparently 8 year olds aren't real quick to notice change. |
Posted by robynanne
at 10:08 AM CDT
Thursday, 3 April 2008
BTW - I have enabled RSS on this blog. I know nothing about it right now, but I marked the check box so hopefully that is enough for people that DO know something about it. I'm also not a paying member of Tripod (I've considered it) so there is something written about how the RSS feed will be different due to that.
Posted by robynanne
at 9:27 AM CDT
| April 3, 2008 8:37 A.M. Weight: 159.0 lbs. Travel plans for the transfer are being modified. Ugh! The egg donor hasn't gotten her 'day 1' yet so she can't start the meds for egg stimulation and that means that egg retrieval can't be on the 12th and THAT means I won't be leaving for transfer on the 16th. Looks like I'll just have to sit in limbo with my drugs and my cycle until she has eggs to use. Bummer on that.
I opted for the bike today. I really wanted to get in another run but I just don't want to risk anything hurting for the 8k. I made SURE to get to bed at 10 so I could get up at 5 (which I've been failing misserably at lately) so I could have a decent time to work out and still get into work on time. That meant that I could get in the 45 minutes on the bike like I should be doing.
The bike also lets me read more - probably because it is so much easier but I'm choosing to ignore that. Anyway, I finished all the Golden Compass books and even 'Lyra's Oxford' and now I'm reading the science book behind the series, 'His Dark Materials' I think is the title although I'm not sure. It is written by a couple of scientists that were intrigued by the series. It's a little elementary, to be honest, but it is fun to read even just the very basic science stuff. I think a lot of it was on accident that he got it close to right - and a lot of it was just the talent of the scientists to draw conclusions - but it is still interesting.
The series was not so anti-god as I was thinking. It was anti-organized religion and anti-people controlling brain washing, to be sure. It also was pretty blatent in the accusations he was making against the current day Christianity leaders. Then again, one has to realize that he was saying specifically that the religious authorities in Lyra's world, a MADE UP world, were MUCH more controling and power hungry than they are in our real world. They even called scientists experimental theologists. He invented a world that took the things that bugged him about current day organized religious leaders and amplified them to the point of obviousness. I don't see that as saying that our world is like that now.
On the other hand, his overt and obnoxious way of pushing his viewpoints into the story, and indeed the concept that he wrote and came up with the story to do just that, NOT for the sake of the story but because "The Chronicals of Narnia" bugged him so much, made the series a little cumbersome. I enjoyed the story for itself but I don't like to be told what to think about anything. His efforts to throw down brain washing were not free of brain washing itself so he doesn't get a 5 star in my book just for that. In contrast, Narnia was just plain a good story and the religious aspects that were there were only there as inherent constructs in CS Lewis's mind that he never thought to question. It wasn't "I need to make a statement and I'll use this book to do so." it was instead "I have a wonderful story to tell." And ya, some religious crap got thrown in but oh well.
All that aside, Lyra and her world are fascinating imagery and very alluring. I love being emmersed in it just like being in the Tolkien and JK Rowling and CS Lewis and even Charles Dickens worlds.
That's it for my book review. After biking I did some stretching and knee strengthening stuff and that was that. I even had time to run my straightening brush/iron through my hair a bit before work. Oh, and to fill my car up with blood, erm, I mean gas.
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Posted by robynanne
at 9:19 AM CDT
Wednesday, 2 April 2008
OK, LOL! Thanks for the e-mails and everything guys! I'm still alive, we're just upgrading everything under the sun all at once at work so I haven't been online as much. Plus I've realized that I'm almost a year behind on my scrapbooking so I've been trying to catch up on that in the evenings.
I couldn't believe the 160 today! I've been sitting at mostly 162 with a 161 thrown in here and there for awhile now. I'm practically ODing on estrogen every morning though so I don't even consider my weight to be under my control at this point. technically, actually, since the first two weeks after your LMP you are considered "pregnant" when you really aren't I guess I could say I'm pregnant now. LOL! That's only if the transfer works the first time, which I really hope it does. Twice, actually. :)
I've got the 8K this weekend and I'm running with a friend AND one of my IFs! (intended fathers) I'm so excited he's going to be running with me! I've been running a base of 6.0 MPH with chunks of 6.5 sprints tossed in so I've got that speed up. I don't know if I can do that for the 5 miles without the treadmill to pace me though. We'll see!
Posted by robynanne
at 12:39 PM CDT
Sunday, 23 March 2008
March 23, 2008 5:53 P.M. Weight: 162.0 lbs. Good news, I've worked out steadily this weekend. Bad news, I ate to make up for it. There has been lots of eggs and chocolate. What can I say, it's that time of year.
On Sat Gavin and I went out for a run. I mapped out our block and it is 0.6 of a mile so 5 times around our block is 3 miles. Gavin decided that he'd rather bike than run so he peddled around me as I ran. Jessie wanted to run too but honestly - there's no way I'd get in a real workout that way. Anyway, Gavin biked about 3 times around and then decided he was done. I was running really slow for some reason. It was cold - and snowing - and my knees and foot are still not 100% so maybe that was why. During part of the run, the sun came out. It was snowing and I was fairly warm from the running and the sun was shining on my face all warm and sun-like. And it was snowing on me with these little flakes landing on my face and bouncing off my sweatshirt and pants. It was just very surreal and intense and amazing. It felt great when I got home, and I did change right away this time.
Sunday, Easter day, Asher went down for his nap while everyone was still here. They left shortly after we put him down and I went to the gym. Gavin wanted to come with to play in the kid's place so he came too. When we got there, I realized that the kids' place was closed. DUH! I can't believe I forgot that. Well, it wasn't busy so they let Gavin decide if he wanted to sit and watch TV (any channel) or go on the floor with me. He was so excited to go on the floor with me. He biked and rowed and elliped and rowed again. He was all "Aw man!" when I told him I was done! LOL!
Well, I'm up in weight which I expected considering how much I've eaten. Oh well. It's a major holiday time so I'm allowed a pound or two. It'll go down. |
Posted by robynanne
at 12:01 AM CDT
Friday, 21 March 2008
Today has been... interresting! First we got up and did the egg hunt. We really should've hid the eggs and hunted them yesterday, but I guess we're slacker witches. Anyway, the bunny accomodated us and hid the eggs that we colored last night so the kids could find them this morning. My kids are wussy finders. The 3 year old and the 1 year old have an excuse, but the 8 year old was being really whiney about actually investing some effort in LOOKING. Anyway, I had one small dark chocolate truffle egg last night and a few of the black jelly beans. This morning I had some more jelly beans and my kids each decided to give me a portion of their bunny.
I have the world's weirdest kids. I just have to say that when *I* was little, there'd be no way in hell that I'd be giving my parents or any other creature any portion of my chocolate. I'd sit my butt down and eat every last morsel of it as soon as I possibly could. I used to get lectures about it but I didn't care. (Might have something to do with why I needed to lose weight in the first place.) My kids, however, prefer to HAVE treats vs EATING treats. They leave the stuff laying around uneaten for weeks. It is very hard on me. LOL!
Today was also 'day 1' for the whole surrogacy thing. I got to start my Lupron injections and the Estrace pills. I have no idea what those will do weight-wise and since I've eaten so much junk today, it'll be hard to say what is the cause of any weight change I might have. I did workout hard last night burning over 525 calories and I'll make sure I go in tonight so I don't feel too terrible. The shots weren't too bad. I was a little weirded out before I did it. Once I got the needle in me though, it was just fine.
Well, Happy Spring Everyone!
(Just so you know, my 1 year old son is walking around wearing his sister's ruby red shiny patent leather mary janes, white socks, a diaper, a long sleeved jungle onsie, and carrying Jessie's pink Ostara basket full of jelly beans.)
Posted by robynanne
at 12:01 AM CDT
Updated: Wednesday, 2 April 2008 12:37 PM CDT
Wednesday, 19 March 2008
Today's Tip: Keep a graph of your weight. The day to day seems frustrating but when you look over time you see how much progress you are making! No more BCPs!! I took the last one yesterday! You should see my graph. A nice steady downward motion until I start those pills and then BAM - evens out to straight. Since I have other meds to take for the transfer still, I'm not expecting much different now I guess. I'm still glad to be done with those. Yesterday I decided to see what would happen if I ran again. My left foot is still really hurting but I called the PT to ask about it. They don't think it is anything serious - they called it 'compensation pain'. Basically, when my toes got bruised from something falling on my foot awile back, different parts of my foot took over the efforts of walking and such. That made THOSE parts start to hurt so different areas again took over and now those areas are hurting from the effort. This sounds dumb to me as my toes never really hurt all that much and it was weeks ago, but whatever. I don't really care, as long as he told me he didn't think it was anything serious. My knees were borderline, which was partly why I wanted to see what would happen if I ran. I really stretched out that foot and slowly gained speed from a long walk. Eventually there was minimal pain but that foot thing never 100% went away. I was a little worried about landing on it funny and actually breaking something but that never happened. My knees, however, were fine. I got up to 6.3 MPH and ran at that rate from about 8-9 minutes until 20 minutes. Then I put it down to 5.5 to rest a bit and at 2 miles I upped it to 6.0 again and finished out the 3 miles. (I hadn't hit 2 miles at 20 minutes because I had been walking pretty slow for the first 5 minutes.) Actually, I did 7.5 for the last .05 of a mile. :) Then I walked more and stretched everything out. As I walked back to the locker room, my knees hit back as did my foot. Neither one were happy with me. I was pretty sad because I was hoping that my ability to run consistantly was worked up. However, as the night went on and now the next morning came, the pain has really gone away. Maybe my endurance really is toughening up. I decided to do the elliptical today so I went my 30 minutes at level 15. Now, either I'm becoming a wuss after so much time NOT on the elliptical, or level 15 is a lot harder because I barely broke 500 cals this morning and my heart rate never really went over the 150s. Usually it is more around 160-170 for the duration. Mix that with the dumb weight that keeps going up and down from 159 to 162 and back instead of actually losing anything and I get worried that I'm slacking with too many days off and not really pushing. Well, really just the weekends when I know I'm not working out as consistantly as I used to... that and I've been so MUNCHIE lately. OH, that makes me think of the "I can make you thin" dork. "Eat when you are hungry and stop when you are full." Ya dumbass - if it was THAT easy I'd have never gained the weight in the first place. I KNOW I'm not supposed to eat when I'm full. That doesn't mean I follow through with what I know. Do you really think I'm so stupid that I'm going.. "I'm not really hungry so I don't really need this package of mini-doughnuts from the vending machine... but It's probably healthy for me anyway so I'll eat it." NO, I'm screaming, "Hey fat-ass, what the hell are you doing? You KNOW this is why you can't fit into the pants you want!" While downing doughnut number 5 and drinking a hot chocolate from the coffee station. Well, I used to anyway. Losing weight isn't really about someone telling you to eat when you are hungry and stop when you are full. To me, anyway, it is about valuing yourself and your body enough to take care of it even when the vending machines are calling your name. It is about saying "My life and my health are important enough to not give in to that." It is also about an overall picture of working out partnered with generally healthy eating so that when you DO find yourself eating doughnuts - they can't hurt you so much. Now I just have to find out how to keep this up when my guiding compass, my daily weight, is not really guiding anymore. After yesterday's 162 and today's 161 My 'zen' with my weight numbers has about had it. Still - nothing I can do about it. I'm not giving in and losing my path and that's all.
Posted by robynanne
at 9:43 AM CDT
Monday, 17 March 2008
Today's Tip: Alcohol and 'healthy weight' don't go together very well. Like all things unhealthy, I don't see a reason to never partake again. Just remember though, when you drink, it will set you back. (I figured this went well with my weekend! LOL!)
A note for the comments. The issue is evidentally that the verification code times out around 2 minutes and once it times out, you cannot leave the message. They are "working" (for a very long time now, evidentlly) on changing this timeout time. If you cannot leave your comment, try highlighting the entire thing and then copying it. Then leave the comments section totally and reenter the site, go to the comments section, and paste it into the field and fill in the verification code and submit it right away such that you don't hit the timeout time. (Until they fix it, I guess... You'd think changing the timeout settion wouldn't take long.)
Good morning! This was an eventful weekend! It started on Friday with a night with some girlfriends. We ordered out and due to most of us watching our intake, we actually played it safe with the foods. We also had grapes and some homemade chocolate chip cookies. (Jeanette you rock.) After getting to sleep around 2, the next day I made pancakes for the kids in the morning (LOVE them, but I always end up eating too many while they don't eat enough.) and getting stuff done before we headed out to Vertical Endevers for some rock climbing with the family and some friends. Well, the youngest two didn't do so well there and as I thought, I did end up spending a lot of time just child-wrangling however the hubby took over his turn and I got out to climb with Gavin some. After watching Gavin monkey his way to the top of these things time after time over the years, I really didn't think it would be all that tough. I was shocked at how hard it is! I did make it to the top once, and almost to the top another time but that was about it for me. I have 0 upper body strength and I don't really have any good climbing shoes. When you get near the top your hands are all sweaty and it is tougher to hold on.
After that, we stopped at my mom's house and dropped the kids off so they could eat dinner and sleep and Kris and I headed out to my friend's birthday party. We had dinner there, and a very good time with many good drinks. After another late night, I headed back to my mom's house where I was spending the night with the kids so that she could watch them the next day as Gavin and I went to the 8K run. Ya, I got to sleep about 1:30 - 2 again.
Sunday morning we just kinda hung around mom's house until about 11 or so when Gavin and I headed out to the run. I suspect Gavin didn't get much sleep because he was acting pretty squirrly all day and he had the bedroom with his gamecube in it. Anyway, we got in and registered and picked up our shirts. Gavin's run was first but I was hoping to find my friends that were also running. I waited by the registry counter as long as I could but we had to leave eventually for Gavin's run. He picked the 1/2 mile run so first we watched the 1/4 mile runners go. Then was his turn. He looked so cute with his number pinned to him and everything. It was cold though so he had the long sleeve race shirt over his seatshirt which was over another long sleeve thermal shirt. At the end he was saying the clothes were too much so I felt kinda bad about that but not much I could do then. Anyway, he ran a good run for someone who is totally not conditioned to running. He made a 5 minute 1/2 mile (which was in the middle - back of the whole pack of runners) and he was really struggling to breath when he was done. I made him get up and keep walking with me a bit while we went back inside to find my friends. He got some bread and water from the refreshments table and since I didn't see anyone there we went out to the place the 8K was supposed to start. RIGHT before the horn went, we finally found our friends which was good because Pam (Thanks Pam!!) was watching Gavin. I do wish I had more time to go over 'watching Gavin' with her since he was being so squirrly that day but everyone was taking off running so I pretty much had to just go.
The run was really awesome!! I did find my running friend and I had planned to stay with her for the race. She was a little apprehensive about that because she didn't think she was as fast as me. I wasn't so sure about that since it was 5 miles and all that. As it turns out, I did feel like I was holding back a tiny bit to stay with her but I was OK with that. I tried a little bit to encourage her to go faster but she didn't want to. Plus - I was afraid that if I ran faster myself, I'd tire out before I was done. My knees were still hurting before we started even and I didn't know if they would get better or worse as we went. Turns out, they got better and about a mile into it I didn't have to worry about knee pain. I was running smooth and it felt great. At a bit over the 3 mile mark, my friend wanted to walk it a little and she told me to go on so I decided to try pushing my own pace a little more at the end. That felt great! I was passing people and feeling good and it was like flying down the whole road that was blocked off for just me. At one point there was a crossroad that the cops were at letting some people go by when there weren't runners crossing. They stopped all the cars up so that I could run across. :) At the very end I pushed it to a sprint that was faster than I even thought I could go. There was another person near me that was sprinting and the competative person in me couldn't let them pass so I really kicked it up to stay in front. I ended with a time of 56 minutes and something seconds. You can find the human race link on my blog and look up number 1465 for my actual time since I don't remember it. My friend came in right after me so we cheered her on and went to get our bananas and such. Good job Amanda!!! It was great and it looks like there is one more in the area before my transfer date!
After the race, my left calf kept cramping up and that left foot was hurting again. My arms and shoulders and back were sore from the climbing the day before. I was also freezing and I couldn't figure out why since I felt comfortable, not hot, not cold, during the race itself. Back at my mom's house I changed and realized why I was so cold. My sports bra and long sleeved 'wicking' shirt were totally wet and I didn't even know. gross. Over the day my calf muscle got better but my foot hasn't.
Today I'm very sore from the climbing in my upper body muscles and my foot is still bugging me. Other than that, I'm OK. I'm not pushing my knees on the running again for a few days at least though. I biked this morning for my workout.
Time to get back to normal sleeping. I fell asleep last night about 8:30 or so. For the pregnancy stuff - I have my last pill to take tomorrow. Then I get to wait for "day 1" and start the lupron shots and some other kinds of pills.
Posted by robynanne
at 10:58 AM CDT
Updated: Monday, 17 March 2008 11:45 AM CDT
Wednesday, 12 March 2008
Today's Tip: Corn and potatoes are NOT vegitables. Sorry. No matter how much you want them to be they still are not. Corn is seed. Now, technically, there is a TINY bit of the 'fruit' (the female plant part surrounding the seed) on the very base of the corn kernal but mostly, it is just the seed and thus, it is a grain. Like bread. It is not even, for that matter, a very healthy grain. Potatoes are roots, not vegitables. When you eat potatoes or corn your are adding to your 'grain/starch' foods for the day which odds are, you've had plenty -especially for such simple carb groups. You are NOT adding to your fruit or vegi servings.
Sorry for the tirad. It's just something that bugs me. Like people saying "I could care less." when they MEAN "I couldn't care less." Big difference when you forget the "n't" part.
Anyway, I am feeling better - albeit slowly. Not that I'm feeling really really bad anyway it is just that my joints are so achy and I keep running this come and go fever so I'm sweating or freezing at odd times. I have a friend that told me 'welcome to middle age'. Haha! Not yet, thank you! But it did make me wonder how much these BCPs are 'helping' things. Only 6 more days!
Yesterday mid-fever run I decided I wasn't going to try to push it at the gym yet so my first time back was this morning. I opted for the bike and I put it at level 8 which was way too easy. I upped it to 10 but I only had 10 minutes left so it didn't help much. So, an easy first time back workout I guess.
I was watching TBL last night and I've got to admit, I'm questioning the dedication of those girls. They talk about metabolism a lot, but in the challenge with the light bulbs from every 10 calories burned, it was CLEAR the guys were burning more calories faster. That translates directly to the weightloss with something like 3600 calories per pound. There have been women on that show that worked out stronger. The little Kae and Poppi being the two that stand out. Sure, they SAY those girls work just as hard... but perceptions being what they are... there are a lot of women at the gym that talk about how hard they are working where I go too and I have to say they aren't doing a whole dang lot. I don't know. I wish I could be there to really SEE without the camera editing. Are they really pushing? Are we as women really at a weight loss dissadvantage to men? I know between my husband and I - I've lost way more than he has and my dedication has been much higher. Still - he is quite a bit stronger than I am so I could never beat him at arm wrestleing or bench pressing. I think a BIG issue for a woman to win at TBL is that she has to come on the show ready to work out like a guy. Ready to build major muscles and all that. She would have to work harder than the guys to beat the guys... but what else is new?
Posted by robynanne
at 9:57 AM CDT
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