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Welcome to my blog. I'm Robyn. I was born in October '74 (so I don't have to keep upping my age every year.) I'm married to Kris, my military guy that married me, a pagan hippie. I have 4 children, 3 living, I work fulltime as an IT business analyst (aka - computer dork) and I have worked very hard to get out from under obesity. This blog was originally about the weight loss journey, however now it is about my life. After having lost my 2nd child, Anily, during her full term delivery after a perfectly normal pregnancy, I got involved in a group called "Missing Grace". That is a group that helps people through pregnancy and infant loss, infertility, and adoption. Through this group I found an agency that helped me to DO SOMETHING about all the infertility I saw around me every day. I am in the beginning of a surrogacy journey in which I will be the gestational carrier. I've never done this before so I have to admit I don't know all of what I'm about to take on. I guess we'll find out. In the meantime, I'll blog about my life. My stillbirth, parenting, weightloss, maintaining, working, surrogacy, whatever else happens, life.
The Human Race 8K - 56:17
The Bunker Hills Run 8K - 50:20
Eagan Fun Run 2 mile - 20:05, 5 mile - 54:07
Operation Life
Thursday, 10 April 2008
Canceled Cycle
April 10, 2008 8:57 A.M. Weight: 159.0 lbs. Back to 159!! The scale did that "false number" thing to me again this morning where it settles on something for ~5 seconds and then flips. I had 158 at first and almost died. 159 is still good. We found out yesterday that the transfer date out in Toronto is pushed out. The egg donor had a bad cycle so they are going to start her (and me) over. I'm getting overnighted some progesterone shots that I need to do intramuscularly for 12 days and then I should get my period and THEN we restart. I am only taking 1 Estrace pill now instead of the 3 I was taking. It's all very sad and of course I feel bad for the guys beacuse a failed cycle is never fun. On the less emotional side of things, this also causes potential trouble because 6-7 weeks out from now is the start of birthday/anniversary marathon time for my kids and my mom. She has reservations at this camping ground for her anniversary and for that matter, Kris and I have been invited to a family camping trip that I REALLY want to go to. Plus Ash's birthday is the 22nd so.. do I plan his birthday party anyway and deal with moving it if I have to, or do I plan on having his birthday party later with Jessie near June 2nd? Is that late enough? Last - I'm a little on edge about the whole thing because a transfer at the end of May would put my due date on or near Feb 23rd which is Anily's birthday and I don't know how I feel about that. On one hand, it would feel a bit fate-like because she is the inspiration for the path that brought me to do this for these guys. On the other hand, that is HER time and HER date and I don't like having anyone infringe on it - not to mention that I'll have all the physical pregnancy issues mirroring when they happened with her pregnancy and I'll be very due right in the late winter/early spring weather and I tend to get REALLY anxious right around Anily's birthday. Well - all that kinda bubbles around my head but mostly I just say that it will all work out however it needs to. For now I have progesterone shots to figure out and then a new cycle to start so new Lupron shots. As my friends were quick to point out, this also means I'll have time to get a few more runs under my belt. Speaking of runs - I think I was a bit premature in my celebration of uber running with no knee pain. On the bright side, it wasn't the same KIND of knee pain this time. I think I did something to the inside of my right knee when I was either running or rowing because when I was stretching - I just looked it up - the gracilis muscle - was really sore and tight right at my knee. I'm guessing that's the right muscle anyway based on what it felt like. It was not kneecap pain though like what I've had before and I'm pretty sure this will resolve as I rest the area. I just did the elliptical today. BTW - after the discussion regarding numb feet on the elliptical I was paying attention to this. My feet did not get numb during the 30 minutes I was on it however I was picking my feet up almost off the pad on each up-step so I was going just a bit faster than the machine with each step. I wasn't doing anything special to do that - it was my natural stride while on the machine so maybe finding a machine that allows your feet to leave the pads with each step would help.
Posted by robynanne
at 9:24 AM CDT
Updated: Thursday, 17 April 2008 10:46 AM CDT
Wednesday, 9 April 2008
The Comments saga
I wanted to share with you one of my support tickets opened with Lycos to resolve the fact that people couldn't leave comments on my blog. I've resolved it myself but you might get a kick out of this. Hopeless - that is how I rate their support:
Posted by robynanne
at 1:38 PM CDT
Updated: Thursday, 17 April 2008 10:46 AM CDT
April 9, 2008 8:48 A.M. Weight: 160.0 lbs. I've run 9 miles (well, 8.97 - 8K isn't really 5 miles) in the last 4 days and my knees don't hurt!!! I ran 3 miles yesterday in 29:30 minutes, making the FIRST time I've done the 3 miles in under 30 minutes. I also was at 2 miles in 20 minutes during that run which was my original goal for that indoor tri I did. Today I only did 1 mile but I did it in 9:20. Then I used the rowing machine for a little over 20 minutes. For how many calories it says I'm burning, that rowing machine is easy - the only trouble is that there is no way I could read while on it. I wish it felt more like a heavy workout though. I was barely even sweating... although that probably had something to do with the huge wheel faning me as I went. One thing that I think is really helping with my knees is my stretching. I've decided that in addition to the strengthening exercised the PT has me doing, I'm going to get my hamstrings nice and limber. Another cause to the knee pain is tight hamstrings. When I started I could barely reach my toes and even then I was kinda bending my knees a bit. I've been working at it every day and I'm making a lot of progress! Now I'm trying to be able to reach the floor without bending my knees. Amanda, I think they changed the results posting because Paul and I are at the same time and you are now under 56:00. Also, the results for anyone looking are at that link on the right for the Bunker Hills run, only they are under the heading '2006 results'. I told them they needed to change the year, but whatever.
Posted by robynanne
at 9:19 AM CDT
Updated: Wednesday, 9 April 2008 9:24 AM CDT
Monday, 7 April 2008
April 7, 2008 9:21 A.M. Weight: 160.0 lbs. I had to swim this morning. Because my shoes were wet. Because I biked from my house up to Bunker Hills Park in the rain yesterday after dinner and biked around those trails a bit. In the rain. I was SOOOO drenched through! LOL! I'm also out of practise swimming because it seemed a lot harder than it used to. The water was kinda warm today though so I'm going with that excuse. I was wishing I had my goggles on while I was biking in the rain. It was hard to see with it raining in my face.
I was really enjoying being the insane person outside in the rain and 40 degree weather on my bike. I was actually quite warm with all the work I was doing so there was no issue there. The only thing that was cold was when I'd stand up to peddle harder the cold water in my shoes would squish around my toes more. That was a bit cold. I had on wool gloves that had a little cap on them that you could pull over to be mittens. My hand were nice and warm - although when I got back and took them off my fingers were all wrinkly. I also had a wool/fleece band over my ears and my water resistant hood pulled over that. Everything was still wet, but warm.
I was pretty happy with the 160.2 that I got before swimming today. I've learned in the past month to not start expecting or even caring too much about lower numbers however there is that thought when things go well. |
Posted by robynanne
at 10:10 AM CDT
Sunday, 6 April 2008
I've moved the links around a bit - I put the links to the races and the results over on the right navigation panel and I've just put the results on the top here. I also moved the "Start Your Diet" link over there. I finished my 2nd 8K! It was hilly, which was a big shocker for a run at a place called "Bunker Hills". OK, I was expecting some ups and downs, but it was still the first time I'd really run a course like that since I was in Jr High. The steeper and yet shorter distance hills weren't so bad really, but right at the end they had a long distance, low grade slope hill that was just plain evil. All in all it was a BEAUTIFUL day for running and the course was pretty, although very 'brown spring melty'. I suspect that would be a great place for some running when it comes to life a bit more. Thankfully, it isn't too far from where I live either. I could bike there, run the course, and bike back. Amanda came again this time and Paul, one of my IFs came! Paul is an experienced runner, although he is coming off of an injury. He was kind enough to agree to pace me for a 10 minute mile average so I could see if I could actually do it. I was TIRED by the 3 mile mark, not to mention depressed because I had thought that we passed the 3 mile distance quite some time ago! LOL! Paul was doing awesome keeping me going (Even if some of it was just me not wanting to stop and walk in front of him!) and I ended up finishing at about 50:15 which, considering we were at the back of the pack for starting and maybe lost 15 seconds just getting to the starting point, I'm pretty happy with that! I swear though, I was trying to figure out ways that I could walk without losing face. Part of me wanted to step just right in one of the not-quite-melted snow patches along the run so I could pretend to fall and twist my ankle and get some walking time in! I'm happy to say that I didn't actually DO that. I was beyond feeling like I had any more to give so I'm pretty confident that I did my best on that run. I'd like to say that now I can keep training to beat that score, however the way the surro things are ramping up, I'll probably be on hold for awhile now with too much more running. That's OK. I can pick it up again next spring with a renewed effort to beat all my 2008 times! Amanda did really awesome too! She took about 6 minutes off her run time at this race!! I was totally impressed with how great she did. YAY Amanda! She's gonna have all this year to train so I'm pretty sure I'll have to catch up with her next year. Gavin wussed out on me for the 1 mile run. I think he was intimidated really. I'd have pushed him to go more, but I didn't have childcare lined up yet and it was really much easier to just have an adult run day. My pregnancy wouldn't mean that he and even Jessie couldn't run so there will be lots more opportunities for the kids. After the race I got to spend some fun time with Paul and then I went home to change and give the kids a hug before running off to my friend's house for another girl's night. I think between last night and today with the kids (we made cookies and I made them turkey breakfast sausages with cut up pears for breakfast) I've really managed to make up way over 100% of the calories I burned on the run. At least I made the cookies with whole wheat flour, carob chips instead of chocolate, organic dehydrated cane juice instead of brown sugar, and organic butter. I got surprisingly few cookies out of the dough, but I think that had something to do with the three kids standing on chairs at the counter eating the dough from the bowl faster than I could put it on cookie sheets. I was hoping to get out for a bike ride today but it has been raining raining raining all day long. At least it is warm enough to rain and not snow!! Maybe I'll get out in the rain anyway. I need to work off the cookie and turkey sausages calories!!
Posted by robynanne
at 2:37 PM CDT
Friday, 4 April 2008
April 4, 2008 9:15 A.M. Weight: 160.0 lbs. Stretch-day today. I've got the 8k tomorrow morning bright and early so I'm taking a rest day today. I still got up early and went to the gym but I just did some light stretches and muscle toning work with the bands. My hamstrings are so darn tight I'm just now getting to the point where I can grab my feet with my legs straight.
My older son evidentally still thinks I'm overweight. Part of me wanting to get into better shape was because Gavin was getting old enough to realize that I was overweight. He had made comments, innocent ones, about how I was overweight. Things like "Mom, why do you eat vegitables but you're still fat?"
The other day, Jessie said "Mom, I'm growing big like you!" and Gavin replied "You don't want to be fat like Mom." Now - even if I WAS overweight he'd have been told you don't say things like that about people HOWEVER, I'm NOT overweight. I'm NOT fat. I have a BMI of 24. I look worlds different from what I used to look like - can't he SEE that? I couldn't believe it. Here all along I'm thinking that I'm setting a good example and he doesn't even see it. I even tried TELLING him that I'd lost all that weight and worked really hard and I'm in much better shape and he kept saying "Well, you are fatter than 'person's name here'." Now, in truth, the person that he was refering to is NOT in better shape than myself. That person has been getting in worse shape as the years go by. ARG! Apparently 8 year olds aren't real quick to notice change. |
Posted by robynanne
at 10:08 AM CDT
Thursday, 3 April 2008
BTW - I have enabled RSS on this blog. I know nothing about it right now, but I marked the check box so hopefully that is enough for people that DO know something about it. I'm also not a paying member of Tripod (I've considered it) so there is something written about how the RSS feed will be different due to that.
Posted by robynanne
at 9:27 AM CDT
| April 3, 2008 8:37 A.M. Weight: 159.0 lbs. Travel plans for the transfer are being modified. Ugh! The egg donor hasn't gotten her 'day 1' yet so she can't start the meds for egg stimulation and that means that egg retrieval can't be on the 12th and THAT means I won't be leaving for transfer on the 16th. Looks like I'll just have to sit in limbo with my drugs and my cycle until she has eggs to use. Bummer on that.
I opted for the bike today. I really wanted to get in another run but I just don't want to risk anything hurting for the 8k. I made SURE to get to bed at 10 so I could get up at 5 (which I've been failing misserably at lately) so I could have a decent time to work out and still get into work on time. That meant that I could get in the 45 minutes on the bike like I should be doing.
The bike also lets me read more - probably because it is so much easier but I'm choosing to ignore that. Anyway, I finished all the Golden Compass books and even 'Lyra's Oxford' and now I'm reading the science book behind the series, 'His Dark Materials' I think is the title although I'm not sure. It is written by a couple of scientists that were intrigued by the series. It's a little elementary, to be honest, but it is fun to read even just the very basic science stuff. I think a lot of it was on accident that he got it close to right - and a lot of it was just the talent of the scientists to draw conclusions - but it is still interesting.
The series was not so anti-god as I was thinking. It was anti-organized religion and anti-people controlling brain washing, to be sure. It also was pretty blatent in the accusations he was making against the current day Christianity leaders. Then again, one has to realize that he was saying specifically that the religious authorities in Lyra's world, a MADE UP world, were MUCH more controling and power hungry than they are in our real world. They even called scientists experimental theologists. He invented a world that took the things that bugged him about current day organized religious leaders and amplified them to the point of obviousness. I don't see that as saying that our world is like that now.
On the other hand, his overt and obnoxious way of pushing his viewpoints into the story, and indeed the concept that he wrote and came up with the story to do just that, NOT for the sake of the story but because "The Chronicals of Narnia" bugged him so much, made the series a little cumbersome. I enjoyed the story for itself but I don't like to be told what to think about anything. His efforts to throw down brain washing were not free of brain washing itself so he doesn't get a 5 star in my book just for that. In contrast, Narnia was just plain a good story and the religious aspects that were there were only there as inherent constructs in CS Lewis's mind that he never thought to question. It wasn't "I need to make a statement and I'll use this book to do so." it was instead "I have a wonderful story to tell." And ya, some religious crap got thrown in but oh well.
All that aside, Lyra and her world are fascinating imagery and very alluring. I love being emmersed in it just like being in the Tolkien and JK Rowling and CS Lewis and even Charles Dickens worlds.
That's it for my book review. After biking I did some stretching and knee strengthening stuff and that was that. I even had time to run my straightening brush/iron through my hair a bit before work. Oh, and to fill my car up with blood, erm, I mean gas.
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Posted by robynanne
at 9:19 AM CDT
Wednesday, 2 April 2008
OK, LOL! Thanks for the e-mails and everything guys! I'm still alive, we're just upgrading everything under the sun all at once at work so I haven't been online as much. Plus I've realized that I'm almost a year behind on my scrapbooking so I've been trying to catch up on that in the evenings.
I couldn't believe the 160 today! I've been sitting at mostly 162 with a 161 thrown in here and there for awhile now. I'm practically ODing on estrogen every morning though so I don't even consider my weight to be under my control at this point. technically, actually, since the first two weeks after your LMP you are considered "pregnant" when you really aren't I guess I could say I'm pregnant now. LOL! That's only if the transfer works the first time, which I really hope it does. Twice, actually. :)
I've got the 8K this weekend and I'm running with a friend AND one of my IFs! (intended fathers) I'm so excited he's going to be running with me! I've been running a base of 6.0 MPH with chunks of 6.5 sprints tossed in so I've got that speed up. I don't know if I can do that for the 5 miles without the treadmill to pace me though. We'll see!
Posted by robynanne
at 12:39 PM CDT
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