May 20, 2008 4:15 P.M. Weight: 157.0 lbs.

I've had a tiring 24 hours. Well, work wasn't bad yesterday so that wasn't really a big deal, although we had 4 'emergencies' that needed to be fixed before 9 AM. I LOVE grabbing my cell phone after my shower at the gym in the morning only to find out that I got called while enjoying my nexus deep moisturizing conditioner and having all the blood rush to my head as I bend in half to shave my legs. If no one answers my cell, they call my boss - which is great. I know, I know, he doesn't get mad or anything. I'm not expected to bring the phone into the shower with me. They've actually said that I'm going to be downgraded to a pager but my manager is trying to axe that plan.

I finish work and head out to watch Sex And The City with my friends. You may be shocked to hear that I've never watched this series before so we've been watching every show from every season before the movie comes out. I find the show amusing enough but really I just want to spend the time with my friends. We stayed up WAY too late and to whomever I cut off when I realized at the last second that I was in the exit lane and didn't want to exit last night at 1:30AM - I whole heartedly apologize. You will never see me do it again... or if you do... you won't remember that it was me.

As mentioned, Jeanette showed me how to give myself the PIO shot in my thigh. Big fun! She had some smaller needles to use with my thigh and she heated up a smaller bag of corn for afterwards. The only difficult part of it was getting up the nerve to put the needle in my thigh. The great thing about the butt shots is that *I* don't have to do them. I was nervous that if I went too slow I wouldn't get it in through the skin and if I went too fast, well, let's just say I'm not a wiz at darts. I was envisioning putting the needle through the hand that I was holding the skin tight with or something like that. I ended up erring on the slow side which is good because that needle slid in like butter. No pain at all. I emptied the syringe of the stubborn oily contents and hot packed my leg for much of the rest of the night. Easy as pie. I was really only concerned that it would hurt later.

I got to sleep from about 2AM to 5AM when Asher started making noises. I went and got some juice (because I'm a horrible mommy) and some crackers (who likes to bribe her kids) and went into his room. He had fallen back to sleep while I was getting those things so I just put them in his crib in case he felt like waking me up later. Then I got to sleep until 8 when Jessie and Asher woke me up. This time I whined until Kris got up to take care of them but at this point it was moot because I was up and they knew I was home. I could either get up and take care of them or lay in my room listening to Asher pound on my door and cry OR lay in my bed while Asher climbed on my head and said "Mommy sleep" over and over and over. I'd like to point out that my thigh really didn't hurt at all. I could feel it a little but it was nothing to stop big, tough, mighty mighty me.

Kris had to leave around 11 for some army work but he was coming back in just a couple of hours. I played with the kids, did some laundry, and made them some lunch. Then it was nap time. I'm in LOVE with my son. I mean, I normally would be but this boy is the worlds best sleeper. I know, I'm tempting the gods by writing this but hopefully I'll get through OK. You put him in his crib, even when he REALLY doesn't want to and is filling out complaint forms the entire way there and threatening to stiff me on the tip, and he still just lays down and goes to sleep when you shut the door. The REALLY amazing thing? He can get in and out of his crib in the blink of an eye and open and close his bedroom door just fine all on his own. All the same, this little angel just lays down and goes to sleep. I AM SO LUCKY!

I went downstairs because Jessie was asking me to turn on Calliou for her and Kris came home so I headed out to the gym. I kicked massive butt at the gym. OK, not really. I barely made it through my normal 3 mile run. I was so beat I hit 1.5 miles and was ready to stop. I also had to pee which - note to self - never EVER let the words "I could probably wait" convince you to not pee if you think there is even a possibility you might need to before running. I know marathoners think it is OK to just pee in your pants while you run but try that on the treadmill in the gym and nobody thinks that is normal. I just wasn't expecting it to be so hard today. It is very disappointing when I've been running over 3 miles but I think perhaps I've been putting in a lot for a lot of days and it might be time for a break day. My last one was last Sunday. The only thing is that I want to get in the time to get the points on that introplay site. (Yes, competitive as ever, I am.) Still, I'm not doing anyone any favors by making myself so tired. A good night's sleep would also have helped, of course. We'll see how I'm feeling tomorrow and how the weather is. Maybe a nice walk outside with the family would be enough of a workout. What are the odds I can make my husband go out and walk with us?

Weight: 158.0 lbs.

Hmm, I don't think it was the "not enough calories" concept. Yesterday there was a retirement party here at work and I think the Hohos were really going a bit far. Not as far as the giant inflatable whipped cream filled slide outside, but we really wanted to send Betty off in style. Waste of a perfectly good opportunity for chocolate, if you ask me. I know I didn't eat 3600 extra calories at any rate so I'm assuming the whole increase wasn't due to that, but I can take some responsibility.

Tonight I'll be heading over to my friend's house so I packed up my drug supplies. Jeanette told me she'd show me how to give myself a shot in my thigh so I have that to look forward to. Wish me luck as I've heard that it can be quite painful in that location.

I walked into the gym not really knowing what I was going to do this morning. I had run yesterday so I figured it would be something different. I decided though that I'd like to get to the point where I'm running a little each day at least so I put in a mile. Because a mile is so puny, I wanted to make it a FAST mile. I started out at a very delusional 8.0 MPH. This is a 7-something minute mile pace. In Jr High, when I was tiny and scrawny, I could run a 7-something mile. For the very briefest of moments, while doing this, I actually could REMEMBER what it felt like to run like that. I was taken back to those days and thought about running this track in the woods for our 1-mile cross country meets. That ended when I noticed I was about to fall off the back of the treadmill. I grabbed the bar and pulled myself up to the front so I could slow it down a bit. I did keep myself at 7.0 MPH or faster for the mile - making an 8-something minute mile - I also learned that when you run that fast, people don't like to use the machines next to you. That might also have had something to do with the fact that I was wearing the same sports bra and top from yesterday though.. not sure on that one. I prefer to think they were intimidated by my awe inspiring form and grace.

After that I finished off my half hour on the elliptical machine. I'm in this workout - competition thing where you get points for what you do. Too bad they assign running points based on your own assumption of "vigorous" or "light" instead of speed or distance. Anyway, I feel like I'm falling massively behind on the amount of exercise I'm putting up. I only get 6-9 points per day vs the 20+ that some people are getting. My only thing is, it is based on time and while I push the intensity, my time is pretty constant. I just can't afford much more out of my day. Don't think it hasn't occured to me, just from my competative nature, to take a sick day from work to just hang out in the gym and work out. Heck, even without this contest I've considered really buckling down and growing biceps the size of watermelons and saying things like "Dude, I only spent 4 hours in the gym yesterday and I just felt SOO lazy." Ahhh, the life of a TBL rancher. I know that I can't though. Family, work, life, and yes, a little bit of "I'd rather sit on my computer at night" have to do with that. All things considered though, this contest is the first time I've felt like I wasn't measuring up to my standards. It is harder to be a little fish in a big pond than it is to be a big fish in a small pond. Maybe I'll just be a happy fish and not worry about the size of the pond.

1) Maybe the holidays? Maybe, (chocolate) for whatever reason (chocolate) totally unknown (chocolate) to me, (chocolate) Valentines Day (lots of chocolate) and Ostara (more chocolate) teamed up to keep me from (chocolate) losing any weight even with all my working out.

2) Honey. I know this sounds weird, but I stopped putting honey in my tea during that time to try and cut back on the calories so I just drank unsweetened tea. As soon as I started putting the honey back in, the weight started changing again. Maybe there's some secret 'bee-like' magic to it. Regardless, if my butt turns yellow and sprouts a stinger it will ALL be worth it.

3) More calories. I have often heard that if you don't eat enough calories, your body won't have the strength to keep your metabolism up and lose weight. Now, it is hard for me to imagine that I've been slacking on the 'eating crap' category but I know that the day before I had that big loss to 157 I had stopped at a coffee shop and gotten my beloved Camp Fire Mocha. Yesterday, the day before my jump to 156, I had gotten a BK (I know! What the heck is wrong with me?) egg and cheese breakfast sandwich. Now - those are both things that I adore and I do not have very often at all. The last time I had a fast food breakfast sandwich was, um, last fall sometime. The last time I got a mocha was, um, also last fall I think? Maybe more recent. Also, for the mocha I made them only fill a small cup (only came in med or large so I had to pay for the medium), use skim milk, no whipped cream, and decaf coffee. I'm assuming the people in the coffee shop thought I was a nut case because I DID get the mini marshmallows (hello heaven) and the chocolate (chocolate) shavings. I wish there was a way to put chocolate on a fast food breakfast sandwich.

4) Last but not least, just 'cause. No reason at all. Same reason sometimes the weight doesn't want to go, sometimes it does. I haven't REALLY been doing much different and I've seen a pattern before with holding steady and then a nice drop. It seems that the holding steady parts are more often and staying longer and the drops are not as big these days but you do have to expect that.

Now at 156, I FINALLY get to get out of the corner of lockers. 157, 158, 159, and 160 are all nestled into the corner of the walls and rather difficult to get at. On the bright side, no one was using them so it eliminated the embarrassing requirement of me taking people's stuff and moving it to a different locker if they dared to use mine before I got there.* On the down side, ya, stuck in the corner. But now I'm OUT! YAY!

I did running today. I got in 3.5 miles at 6.2 MPH. For those of you keeping track, that is .25 of a mile more than the last run. I also felt a lot stronger with this run so I maybe could've gone longer but I sometimes do acknowledge that I'm not a deity (sometimes, not very often) and have to train reasonably so that I don't injure myself. In the lines of non-mortal thinking, however, I have completely stopped doing my knee exercises in exchange for the stretching that seems to really help. Also, stretching is EASIER than the exercises. That is really the main reason I'm doing that instead. I did stretch out before and after the run today and I noticed that after the run I was much more limber (note, not lumber, like normal.) I was not only able to grab my foot solidly with my same-side hand, but I could reach over from the other side and touch the tips of my fingers to my toes. Not bad for a 2 by 4.

* No, for crying out loud, I never actually MOVED people's stuff. Cripes. I just spit on them so they'd NEVER DO THAT AGAIN.

April 16, 2008 9:23 A.M. Weight: 158.0 lbs.

This morning at my workout I opted to try the recumbant bike. I was quite apprehensive about this partly because, hey, it's just sitting down and reclining for the most part, how could that be any work? Mostly though, it was because the only people I see USING the recumbant bike are, well, let's just say that they are not spring chickens. Dare I associate myself with that group? Let's forget, for the moment, that it was a 72 year old woman that passed me more than one time in that 8K I was working my hardest to get through. Still, I prefer to think that she was superhuman or possibly a very springy chicken wearing an old person suit and that I am still in my prime of, ahem, youth.

At any rate, I got out there and got on the recumbant bike. I almost chickened out at the last second except the whole reason I wanted to try it is because with these shots (Only 6 left!! Then bring on crabby obnoxious Aunt Flo and more Lupron shots... I think.. if my agency would ever get back to me to tell me what drugs I should take come 'day 1'), my upper butt area has been a little sensitive and using the upright bike tends to put a lot of pressure on that upper part of my butt as I sit on the bike seat and my glutes get squashed and stay that way for the whole ride. When I get off the bike that area aches a bit until I move around and uncompress the muscles and get the blood moving again. In the light of causing more pain to a sensitive area, I sucked it up and got on the dumb old person bike. I set it to level 11 (out of 12) because I'm wicked hot and can take it, only the peddles couldn't move at that setting. I switched it down to 5 and kept it there. 5 was too low as whenever I'd hit an easy part in the hills, the resistance was so low that I was actually shaking the bike. The program had no method of upping the level once you start though so I had to stick it out at 5. If there is ever a next time, I'll have to try 7 maybe.

Once I finished off 21 minutes (it would've been 20, but the last minute was a huge set of hills and I wanted to be super and finish off the big hills) I went over to the rowing machine to put in 10 minutes there. I stopped like a deer in headlights... someone was on MY rowing machine! I started to walk back to the front desk where I was going to write a scathing review of the fact that they only have 1 rowing machine but then I said no. NO. I have 10 more minutes to work out and I'm just going to have to find something else to do. I got on the elliptical just behind the rowing machine and programmed in my 10 minutes. 3 minutes into it, the guy got off the rowing machine but I was already into my program and didn't want to go do 7 minutes on the rowing machine. I told myself over and over I was NOT going to forget to write in a comment card that they need another rower because this was the second time I wanted to use it but someone else was on it.

Do you think I remembered? OF COURSE NOT. Dang. I'll have to try to remember when I go in next time. Maybe if I write it on my forehead I won't forget.

Yesterday was Gavin's first day of state testing in school. Basically, they shut up an ADHD student in a classroom for 30 minute stretches with 5 minute breaks in between and tell him that if he finishes early he can have extra time to play. This is something special they do for Gavin due to the ADHD where most kids don't get to go play 'if they finish early'. Now, maybe I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure it is not helpful to tell a kid he'll get to play if he finishes early. I mean, Gavin cares not what his score on these tests are. In fact, I highly doubt he even cares about any importance. I know that he is not motivated to have his true intellegence show through the scores, or at least, not as motivated as he'd be to finish early and play. Plus, he had an issue on the playground the other day so he isn't being allowed out to recess for the week and I TOLD them that I predicted problems during the week due to that. Well, yesterday he and this other student were evidentally leaping off chairs in the room (DUH - he's an ADHD student shut up in the room ALL DAY LONG) and he ended up injuring another student. Now they are asking me about consequences. They are all miffed because 'noramlly he'd get a white slip and be in stop and learn.' WELL - we've determined from THREE YEARS that his behaivor is not improved from giving him a white piece of paper and having him go sit in a room with a teacher he loves where he doesn't have to do any classwork. He was missing out on his education and he didn't care. I fail to understand why these child education professionals are so baffeled by something so prevelant as ADHD and I fail to understand why they think that *I* have all the answers. I'm not a child psychologist. As much as I WANT to be the expert on my son and getting him to behaive, I was never given a guide to his head. I know what works at our house but I also know that I'm not giving him state tests and so if I take away privledges it won't affect his scores. It is hard to say if I'm frustrated by just the situation and just not knowing what would be the right thing to do for him or if I'm actually upset with the teachers for throwing their hands up and expecting me to take it all on single handedly. At any rate, I have an e-mail in my inbox that I'll need to answer regarding the issue and I'm putting it off because I just don't know what to say.

Last night I, the domestic goddess that I am, made a vegitable beef stew. I forgot the cressant rolls. I cut carrots, celery, the leanest cut of steak I could find, mushrooms, and onions up while my husband grated red potatoes into a pile that looked very much like cheese. It turned out very good, if I do say so myself. My husband got out ice cream for everyone at the end of the meal. This would've been evil enough but then he pulled out little tubes of mini M&Ms to put on top of the ice cream. I would've committed homocide if I wasn't so busy getting spoons. Asher was thrilled with the M&Ms, but he didn't want them to touch his ice cream. He refused to get anywhere near any ice cream/ M&M contamination area period. You gotta wonder what is going on in their heads. Chocolate, good. Ice cream, good. Weird cold white stuff with strange little colored areas in my ice cream bowl? EWWWW!

April 15, 2008 8:54 A.M. Weight: 157.0 lbs.

That's it. I've lost my very last brain cell. Last night the phone rang and the caller ID said it was my friend Jeanette. I was so excited... Jeanette is calling me on a Monday evening just to chat. How cool is that? LOL! So she asks where I am and I'm starting to think something is up and it turns out I TOTALLY spaced on a girls night out that I had planned. AHHHH! I was so bummed out! That and I felt really guilty standing up my friends. Well - also I wanted to get away from WWIII that had become my home. I swear, I love my kids to death individually, but put them together and it is sibling rivalry times a zillion. Gavin and Jessie spent the ride home argueing about if it was summer or spring. We get home and Gavin goes outside so the little ones follow and Jessie and Asher take turns whacking each other on the head with their shovels and then crying to me about it. Then once dinner is ready there is the customary "I get to sit next to Mommy!" fight that has been so bad for the last 3 months that I've refused to sit down at the table at all. Instead I hold my plate and stand near the table. The two big ones fight so bad about who is sitting next to me that the loser is hyperventilating and drooling on the table about having to sit one chair away from me and Asher decides he must sit IN MY LAP for every meal. Then the meal is done and the fighting is about who gets to turn on the bath water and who gets the 'blue' sippy cup and who gets to have the 'first' freezie. Yes, even the 8 year old seems to think there is something intrinsically different about the freezie that I open first as opposed to the next freezie that I open. So you see, going out to eat with grown ups that all sit down at the table and eat food without throwing any of it at anyone or shoving it across the table if something offensive shows up on their plate and no one wants to get down off their seat to crawl under the table of the other people in the restaurant and eat the food that has fallen to the floor there... that is divine.

Don't get me wrong, my kids are amazing and I absolutely adore them and know how lucky I am to have them. That doesn't prevent me from sometimes wanting to duct tape them into their closets for just a few moments when they are not trying to 1-up each other. So I am very very sorry to my friends that I spaced out our datenight. Very embarrassing.

This morning after hitting the snooze button twice and cursing my exercising ambition from last night when I set the damn thing, I dragged my butt out of bed and headed out to the gym. I was resolved on running more than 3 miles today. I hit my 6.2 MPH at about 2 minutes in and by 10 minutes in I was very tired. DANG! I kept it going to 3 miles and even went one more 'lap' for 3.25 miles at 6.2 MPH and I stopped. I was much more tired today but that is still just an excuse. Oh well, if I keep going up even a little each time eventually I'll be going 4+ miles. (Yes, because I'm an uber-runner.) BTW - my knees have been doing MUCH better since I'm incorporated significant stretches into my routine. The only down side is that I realize I'm about as limber as a 2-by-4. I was doing a hamstring stretch in the gym today and this guy was sitting next to me doing it MUCH better. I would've pushed him over if I didn't think I'd pull something by putting in the effort.

After that is my pre-weigh-in ritual. Remove shoes, shirt, shorts, socks, watch, hair clip and ponytail holder. Walk to scale in sports bra and spandex shorts. Stand like I'm REALLY interested in the pattern on the floor while the person stands at the scale drying off her swimming suit. Why? Because I can't handle getting on the scale with someone else close enough to the scale to read the numbers. And for some reason I'm compelled to not actually LOOK like I'm waiting for her to leave. I don't really get why I care. I mean, I am PROUD of my weight. Heck, I'd even post it on the internet if... oh... wait. See, proud. I'm also such an attention hound that I'm surprised I don't start yelling to gather a crowd, frankly. Everyone, step right up, who wants to make a prediction on today's results? Will it be the 158 I've been coveting or will I hang my head with a 160? Will I finally break out of the 160s to a point where I can be confident it wasn't a fluke? Everyone! What do you think? You, ya you in the orange sports bra with the towel around your waist, what's your guess? How about toothpaste lady that forgot to shave your legs? Naked girl by the sauna door? OK, here we go.. and it is...(dramatic pause)... 156!! OMG!! Where did that number come from??? (Doing a little boogy on the scale.) Oh, well... maybe too much dancing. Everyone's a critique. OK fine, stupid scale, give me a 157. I do a little bow and head back to my locker. But no - I totally bypass all the opportunity for attention. Still - 157 - how cool is that? Besides, I get the feeling you'd have thought I was lying if I tried to pull off the 156 in my blog.

This DOES mean that now I get to move to the next wall in lockers!! That is totally wicked cool. I say, dance on, Ms Robyn! You hit 157!

April 14, 2008 9:01 A.M. Weight: 159.0 lbs.

So, there I was in my bedroom with a bag full of hot corn shoved down my pants.

I had just completed PIO shot #4 - well - my husband had just completed stabbing me in the ass with a 22gage needle and injecting me with 10 ccs of pure poison gaurenteed to make me bloated, cranky, and constipated. After putting all the sharp things into the sharp things container hidden away in our dinning room hutch (what, don't YOU keep medical supplies in your dinning room hutch? I figured it was the one place none of the kids would get at it.) and returning the medicine vial and other paraphanilia to its proper place, I tossed this flannel bag full of corn that my dear friend made for me into the microwave. I nuked it to appropriate hotness and unbuttoned my pants to fit this ~10 pound bag of heated corn into the back of my pants. The very fact that I could button my pants up again after doing that might suggest that I either probably shouldn't be wearing those pants in public or that I should at least not be wearing them all weekend long without even bothering to remove them to sleep. Sorry - yes - I can be THAT lazy. The heat has proven itself to help ease the lump of oil that forms at the injection site into my muscle and I've noticed significantly less pain. So much for ignoring it after the first shot after my friend tried very hard to warn me how much it helps. I figured - Hey, that didn't even hurt and *I* am tough - HA - hot pack my ass. (Get it, hot pack - my ass - not ON my ass! HA!) Little did I know that the pain was not in the shooting but in the walking around and general living with a large lump of oil that has no intention of dispersing on its own. Huh - imagine - sometimes the advice of someone who's been there, done that is actually worth listening to. Live and learn, I guess.

So anyway, I went up to my room to finish reading some blogs on the computer and there I was in my bedroom with a bag of hot corn down my pants. I happened to have to go to the bathroom so I wandered in and as I walked past the mirror I was rewarded with this image of someone with a very large ass and an untucked loose shirt hanging over everything. I almost went into convulsions. I thought for a very brief moment that someone had snuck my old ass onto me without me noticing! (Ya, I know, I've taken too many drugs in the last 30-odd days. You should see my driving skills!! On second though, I'm really hoping NO ONE sees my driving skills as of late - especially not people wearing blue uniforms and owning cars with blinky lights on the top. Do you think the "I'm sorry officer but I haven't pooped properly in 14 days and I thought I might've had the urge coming on so I really needed to get to a bathroom as fast as possible." excuse would get me anything?)

I will tell you one thing - seeing that image of me and knowing that I was STILL able to button up my size 14 (I know - they are my WEEKEND pants!) jeans so I was actually larger than that before losing the 70 pounds - it was surreal. I was so proud and embarrassed all at the same time.

Anyway, the moment was short lived because I actually DID have to go to the bathroom and these days, when I think I might actually be able to be rewarded for my efforts on the toilet I don't mess with waiting around.

I have to admit that I ended up not working out on Friday. I did go in on Sat and while I had resolved to run 5 miles just like the weekend before, I wussed out and only did 3. I did do those 3 at an average of 6.2 MPH so I'm quite proud of that - however I wish that I had stuck it out longer. In the first mile I was feeling AWESOME at 6.2 MPH. I was thinking I could hold that pace all day without even being tired. Ya, maybe if I lived at the north pole during winter and "all day" meant a total of 23.18 minutes. I absolutely got tired. I'm going to have to work on my endurance and ability to keep it going for longer now rather than just continueing to up the speed.

After my run I weighed in at 159.0! AHH, so CLOSE to breaking the 158 mark!! I figured that if I could ever not be walking around with my intestines cramping up due to inhumane digestive conditions thanks to all the progesterone I'd probably be a decent 155 by now so I didn't take the 159 so badly. This morning I was also 159 (not .0, incidentally, damn peanut butter!) but I'm still kinda psyched because my mindset has obviously moved to thinking of 159 as a 'high' number to be beat and not the 'low' number I'm hoping to achieve.

Onto my day. My goals are as follows:

1) Don't say or do anything stupid in front of anyone such that they start to wonder about recreational drugs I might be on. (Oh gosh if ONLY that were the case!)

2) Have plenty of alone time in the restroom.

3) Do NOT turn into a carb zombie at any point in the day but especially after 8PM.

4) Healthy dinner.

April 11, 2008 8:39 A.M. Weight: ???

Good morning! I have no weight to report because my husband had to go into work early so I got to handle daycare drop off. I'm going to be picking them up as well so I'll either have to figure out a way to get in or call it a 'break day'. I'm honestly leaning towards the break day just because I have been working hard many many days in a row BUT - I also feel like I'm on the cusp of actually getting under 159 and I'd hate to mess with that. I guess - my head knows that taking one day off is USUALLY a good thing with weight loss but my gut is telling me to NOT do it. We'll see, I guess. My scale at home this morning did give me 159.

So - my butt is sore. Not from working out. Just the upper left side where Kris gave me the progesterone shot last night. I honestly didn't even feel him giving me the shot (probably due to the cold pack that numbed the area all up.) It also didn't hurt all last night. Just this morning I noticed the area was a bit sore. I guess that's why you alternate sides every day. I'm going to have to figure out giving myself the shot though because he won't always be around for that. The package came yesterday and when I opened it, I noticed that the syringes they sent had needles on them AND they sent additional needles.  Weird.  I opened one of the syringes and HOLY CRAP that was a big needle!!  18gage, 1.5 inches.  The other needles were 22 gage (which is smaller) and still 1.5 inches.  I immediately took off the big one and put on the smaller one! LOL!  Then I called my friend so that she and her husband could walk me and my husband through the first shot.  How lucky am I to have someone that did this before me?? 

April 10, 2008 8:57 A.M. Weight: 159.0 lbs.

Back to 159!! The scale did that "false number" thing to me again this morning where it settles on something for ~5 seconds and then flips. I had 158 at first and almost died. 159 is still good.

We found out yesterday that the transfer date out in Toronto is pushed out. The egg donor had a bad cycle so they are going to start her (and me) over. I'm getting overnighted some progesterone shots that I need to do intramuscularly for 12 days and then I should get my period and THEN we restart. I am only taking 1 Estrace pill now instead of the 3 I was taking. It's all very sad and of course I feel bad for the guys beacuse a failed cycle is never fun. On the less emotional side of things, this also causes potential trouble because 6-7 weeks out from now is the start of birthday/anniversary marathon time for my kids and my mom. She has reservations at this camping ground for her anniversary and for that matter, Kris and I have been invited to a family camping trip that I REALLY want to go to. Plus Ash's birthday is the 22nd so.. do I plan his birthday party anyway and deal with moving it if I have to, or do I plan on having his birthday party later with Jessie near June 2nd? Is that late enough? Last - I'm a little on edge about the whole thing because a transfer at the end of May would put my due date on or near Feb 23rd which is Anily's birthday and I don't know how I feel about that. On one hand, it would feel a bit fate-like because she is the inspiration for the path that brought me to do this for these guys. On the other hand, that is HER time and HER date and I don't like having anyone infringe on it - not to mention that I'll have all the physical pregnancy issues mirroring when they happened with her pregnancy and I'll be very due right in the late winter/early spring weather and I tend to get REALLY anxious right around Anily's birthday.

Well - all that kinda bubbles around my head but mostly I just say that it will all work out however it needs to. For now I have progesterone shots to figure out and then a new cycle to start so new Lupron shots. As my friends were quick to point out, this also means I'll have time to get a few more runs under my belt.

Speaking of runs - I think I was a bit premature in my celebration of uber running with no knee pain. On the bright side, it wasn't the same KIND of knee pain this time. I think I did something to the inside of my right knee when I was either running or rowing because when I was stretching - I just looked it up - the gracilis muscle - was really sore and tight right at my knee. I'm guessing that's the right muscle anyway based on what it felt like. It was not kneecap pain though like what I've had before and I'm pretty sure this will resolve as I rest the area. I just did the elliptical today.

BTW - after the discussion regarding numb feet on the elliptical I was paying attention to this. My feet did not get numb during the 30 minutes I was on it however I was picking my feet up almost off the pad on each up-step so I was going just a bit faster than the machine with each step. I wasn't doing anything special to do that - it was my natural stride while on the machine so maybe finding a machine that allows your feet to leave the pads with each step would help.