Weight:??? 

I missed the turn off to go to my normal gym this morning and the next turn off isn't until quite a ways down the road. I had almost convinced myself to just drive to work and I'd run outside around the office and shower and get ready there at work. (There is a place to do this.) I changed my mind because I had to go to the bathroom and I knew both that I could NOT run while needing to pee because I'm not hard core enough to be OK with wetting myself for the sake of the run AND that I was not really willing to go into the building where I work before running while wearing all my running stuff and having not showered just to use the restroom and then leave. I decided instead to drive a bit further down the road from my work to the other Lifetime there.

I drive up and there are construction trucks and demolition bins everywhere. The parking lot is full, though, so clearly they are still open. I went in and it was a mad house of everything being torn apart. The only place not touched was the aerobic exercise area with all the machines and the running track. I went down to the locker room and they had the women's locker room all marked off and signs saying the women were to use the 'family' locker room for now. Evidently, they had already finished the family locker room and while it was tiny, it was pretty nice. The showers were in their own little rooms with lockable doors going into them. They had benches and everything in each individual shower room. There wasn't any counter space to brush your teeth or your hair or anything though - just a couple of individual bathrooms with those same lockable doors and a toilet and sink and mirror in each room. Since we will remember that I, in fact, needed to use the restroom we will note the dismay I felt in learning that the restrooms were being propped open so people could use the sink and mirrors. I found a locker and dropped off all my stuff (thankfully I had dressed in my workout stuff at home even though it was FREEZING to walk around outside in a tank top and shorts) so I could head out in search of a working bathroom. After getting directions 2 different times from 2 different people (um, ya, the place wasn't that big so either I'm a really bad finder or the people were really bad at giving directions) I found a bathroom with 1 working stall in it.

By now it is getting pretty late and I don't have much time left. I decided to run on the track because I've never done that before and I just wanted the experience. There were a few people walking on it, but no other runners. I tried to stick to the middle lane but it was kinda insulting because it was labeled for "Slow runners" while the other one was labeled for "9 min mile or faster runners". Well, I'm no 9 min miler (yet) so I shuffled along in the slow lane. I thought it was really funny that they had signs alternating the direction of the runners every other day until I made it a few times around the track. It feels really annoying to always turn in the same direction so I could see how if you went there every day you'd want to run the other way. I finished a 30 minute run and on the way back to change I noticed a sign saying that they would be closed as of Friday until the grand re-opening around the 21st. I guess I was lucky they were open when I came here. I noticed that they had an outdoor pool which I think the kids would love so I'm looking forward to that this summer, although I wish it wasn't such a drive to get there. I'm also really excited to see the new locker room once they are done there.

One thing from this morning was that they did not have a scale in the family room. That means I have another grace day before weighing in which I've decided is a good thing. No good could possibly have come from weighing in today after 4 days off. Not that tomorrow will be much better but hey, I'll take what I can. I don't know what it is lately with all this but I have been missing so many days to workout. I'd love to blame the busy summer but I didn't run into this last year at this time. Last Sat I could've gone in but I was out at my mom's house and didn't want to deal with it. Sunday I could not have gone until at night due to the birthday thing. (That would be Jessie's birthday thing, which was marvelous and fun and wonderful! My baby girl made herself a pink cat named Feline - as in - Bambi and Feline - pronounced phonetically fa-leen. My husband thinks she is a genius for naming her cat feline, as in phonetically fe-line. Jessie had a great time with her friends but it is hard for me, the social equivalent to a loudspeaker and spotlights, to watch my daughter hide and shy away from the group.) Monday I also could not have gone until night because my poor baby Asher had a bad tummy bug and while he blessed me by NOT doing anything gross in my car on the ride to and from the doctor office, that was about the only thing he did not hit. My washing machine just gave me a notice of strike yesterday saying that I was not allowed to put anything noxious in it for at least another week. Totally fair terms, if you ask me. Tuesday my husband requested I take over pick up and drop off duties while he biked into work. Since we were over at his mom's house until pretty late that night too, I didn't even really get a chance to go in at night. Do you see the problem here? If it isn't fitting into my schedule all pretty and normal-like, I'm not making space for working out. Since my life is not actually ever pretty and normal-like, that means I'm missing a lot of days. I need to address that. I also need to address the fact that I've been eating less healthy for snacks. I used to be very good about having fun HEALTHY things on hand for snacking and I have not been doing so well with that lately. I picked up some rhubarb today that I can cut up and I think that'll be a good start. It is time to reassess the habits and figure out how to put them back on the better track.

One of my (I know, there are a lot) hot button issues is when people say "I'm sorry." when they don't really mean it. To the best of my knowledge, "I'm sorry" does NOT actually mean "Huh, sucks to be you, doesn't it?" However, that is exactly how WAY too many people use it - especially in customer service situations. If you have absolutely no intention of changing anything at all about your actions, then don't use the phrase "I'm sorry".

In the gym this morning while on the elliptical (can't run 5 miles every day) they started screaming/counting off jumping jacks or pushups or whatever again in the gym. After my workout I finally mustered up the courage to go to the PT while the group was running and say very nicely, "Excuse me, but could you maybe please not do that counting out loud? It is really distracting and annoying while I work out." He said "I know, I'm sorry about that. Maybe you could wear headphones." In other words, he had NO INTENTION of stopping at all. Now, fine. Give that as your stance, but don't say you are sorry for it when you are clearly NOT sorry for the noise intrusion. In fact, you intend to do it AGAIN. Indeed, as soon as I went to start my stretches they started counting out loud AGAIN and this time did it extra loud and started cheering with it and being all obnoxious. The PT DID invite me to join them on Monday morning for free so that I could be part of the screaming instead of merely a victim of it. I had said no thanks, but now I am rethinking that stance. How better to get under his skin than to join the class and be as obnoxious as possible right there IN his class? I could count out loud as I'm kicking him. 1! 2! 3! 4!.....

I'm just in a weird mood today I think. In theory, a week from today we will begin cycle #2 for the surrogacy. While I still have no idea what I'm supposed to DO upon the start of that, I've got a dozen or so different meds that the pharmacist tossed into my grab bag deal. I'm not sure how my insurance co-pay will work with that but oh well. I've heard a rumor about an end of July egg harvest timeframe which to me means June 13th would be the start of the cycle BEFORE the cycle with the egg harvesting. I mean, then the next cycle would start around July 13th and two weeks into that, July 27th, would be mature egg time for harvest. I realized though that if I do end up with an April due date, my births will have been July, June, May, April, in that order. Weird huh? Also weird that Anily was born totally out of the pattern.

Yesterday I came home from work to find that Kris's new car salesman sent us cookies. Yes, a tin of cookies. Kris had a big truck. He turned it in and now how a smaller Ford.. Um… I don't remember but it looks like a station wagon only beefier. I call it a station wagon and Kris gets all insulted and says "It's a TRUCK." Whatever. It's not a truck. Anyway, he got it because it would have better gas mileage. Well, so would a leer jet when compared to that giant truck he had but OK, I'll give him that. It also doesn't really fit the 3 car seats in the back well. Gavin is about a ounce or two away from the 80 pounds he needs to be out of the booster seat and really, he is almost 9 years old. When I think back to MY childhood there is no WAY I'd have been in a seat of any kind when I was 9. Of course, way back then, we used to sleep in bunk beds that could kill us with the non-fire proof pjs and I think the baby car seats were just held into the cars with some fabric glue and a paperclip. Well, I'm not so sure but perhaps Gavin would be fine with no booster chair in Kris's car. Really, we don't have all three in his car all that often anyway. The other thing is that Jessie is growing and getting near the age when she can be in a booster instead of the full fledged car seat. That might give them more room in the back of Kris's station wagon, err, truck, I mean. But I've gone off my original topic intent. They sent us cookies. Aside from the fact that I find this sort of sad and pathetic for the poor dealership, there was the temptation of cookies in our house. I tried to fling them out to the kids as much as possible but I have to admit I had 2.

Weight - 162 - again!

There is screaming in our house. Lots of screaming. Asher has decided he is big enough to do everything for himself. The trouble is, this is not so much correct. Yesterday it started when I picked the kids up at daycare. Asher started screaming because "Asher do!" was not obliged when he wanted to buckle himself into his seat. Now - it was only not obliged because when I took my hands away to let him do it himself, he pushed the buckles away, hopped out of the seat, and attempted to drive away on his own from the front seat. Apparently, "Asher do!" had more to do with the car and less to do with the seat buckles. Upon getting home (where I made sure he put up the garage door before driving in) there was more screaming because "Asher do!" started again in honor of unbuckling himself, opening the car door, and jumping down out of the van. Thankfully, he cannot actually unbuckle himself (or those trips down the highway would get MUCH more exciting) nor can he open the van door. He can jump down from the van (and off of the coffee table and out of his crib and down 3 flights of stairs) so he got to do that.

Then it was time for dinner making. "Asher do!" now applied to cutting open the turkey package (Chicken! According to Asher) and browning the turkey. He also wanted to participate in cutting the carrots, broccoli, and brussel sprouts for the little stir fry I was making. Yes, it was a pretty healthy meal last night I think. Thankfully, Gavin had run outside to dig up worms for his newly acquired crawfish (Which he would NOT let me put in our dinner and I was so unhappy) (um, the crawfish, not the worms.) so Asher became distracted by the open door and the sandbox. I finished cutting with only one helper as Jessie was enjoying putting the cut veggies into the bowl and the parts we weren't cooking into the trash. Since Asher had taken the package of noodles outside with him in a covert attempt to force me into requesting his assistance, the meat and veggies cooked while I asked Asher nicely to find the noodles. Jessie found them for us and "Asher do!" started all over again with the noodles.

Dinner was finally made and the kids rounded up at the table. Asher declared the turkey to be "Good!" and picked all the ground turkey out of his veggie stir fry. When the ground turkey was gone, he wanted to dish himself up some more. (Asher do!) Aside from the fact that he was not going to get away with just eating the meat, Asher dishing himself up tends to also include Asher dishing up food for the table and the floor and sometimes the windows in the next room. (Depending on how much oomph he gets into his frustrated throw when the spoon that is bigger than his torso doesn't do what he wants.)

After dinner, we went outside to work on the swing set some more. We've got much of it put together but now we are putting the tunnel slide together. "Asher do!" was heard as he wanted to screw in the nuts and bolts and tighten the large sheets of plastic together into a slide. Even though I promised him that when he was a teenager he could not only do all the manual labor type things like that but also mow the lawn and bring lemonades out to my lawn chair he still screamed at not being able to put together the slide.

At bedtime, after Asher insisted that he got BOTH sippy cups with juice (which I resolved by giving them both to him and telling him to give one to Jessica - amazing how compliant he is when it is put that way instead of just giving him one and handing the other straight to Jessie.) we went upstairs for pjs, teeth brushing, and stories. Oh the screaming. If I am going to let "Asher do!" his own pjs, then he is going to have to NOT put the shirt on by putting his feet into the arm holes. I tried to let Asher brush his teeth, but 'Asher do!' meant Asher throwing the toothbrush as far from him as possible. (He really needs to be signed up for little league because he has got an ARM!) The one thing Asher did NOT want to do was clean the toothpaste off the wall when I handed him the washcloth and said "Get to it, boy." Thankfully, the last "Asher do!" was something I could totally allow as he wanted to climb into his own crib. I do love how easily this boy goes to bed.

BTW - Mom - Yes, I DO know all the stories you have about me as a child and my single most uttered phrase "ME DO IT!" and no, I don't think you're funny.

While I was running this morning there was a news program about gay marriages. I didn't catch much of it because the treadmills are far from the screens and I can't read the captioning at the bottom very well. The one thing I caught was something about "opponents of gay marriages have gained" What did they gain? I don't know. Frankly, if it had said "A brain and stopped being so insane and dropped the whole issue." I'd have totally rejoiced. I suspect, however, that it was something much darker for America. OK, here's the thing - in general, I believe the people that oppose gay marriages do so because their religious terms for marriage do not support two people of the same gender being married in that religion. Well, so what? Their terms for marriage also do not support two witches that have conspired with a Wiccan (yep, actually Wiccan this time - AND nuttier than a fruit bat, I might add) priest and his WIFE, a Wiccan priestess (She was not so nutty, but she did have a broken leg and you can kinda see the cast under her robes in the pictures if you look) to use the large broadsword that I (I mean she, the female witch-bride) bought as a wedding gift for her witch-groom and draw a circle around the wedding location. Then we called forth the guardians of the watchtowers of the North, East, South, West - the spirits of Earth, Air, Fire, and Water - and of course, the Goddess, Mother Earth and the God, Father Sun, to witness and participate in our marriage. I mean - in their marriage. I mean Hand-fasting. We then jumped over, back, and over a broom again before walking back down the aisle to greet our guests. We didn't even call it a wedding - it was a Hand Fasting. However because Kris has a penis and I do not, none of that other totally NOT Christian stuff apparently matters. This, to me, means their argument is bunk. I mean, pick a freaking stance and stick to it logically and fully if you are going to, for crying out loud. If the only LEGAL marriages should be Judeo-Christian (or Muslim or whatever religions are going to be included here) marriages - then at least make that your running stance. But they DON'T. Why? Because they know that it would be pushing too many people too far. Pick a battle you have a chance at winning - and thus the poor gays get all the grief while we witches get to hang our marriage certificate on the wall in a frame. Which is interesting really - considering in the past witches have just gotten to hang and I'm pretty sure gay people would sometimes float if tossed in a lake too.

I would, by the way, get into the whole issue of separation of Church and State, but I happen to know that 99.9% of the people that think gay people should not be legally allowed to marry ALSO think the church, correction, THEIR church, and the state should be downright pre-marital lovers. Thus, it is a moot point to argue. The other 0.1% is clearly confused and probably thinks they are voting on how it should be illegal to dress Chihuahuas up in tiny little tuxedos because damn, how much humiliation should a dog have to endure?

And thus my day starts. Incidentally, I am REALLY REALLY tired because I've been staying up way past my bedtime trying to catch up on the shows recorded on my DVR. I turned it on the other day to start a Dora show for Jessie while I got Asher put to bed and it screamed something at me about expectations and attention and SAYING I want to watch a show and then getting 5 episodes behind. I just finished off the last episode of "The Love Boat" and "Cheers" so I'm making a real dent - that was really sad about Gopher though - that's all I'll say about that so I don't ruin it for anyone else. When I go to bed past 10 (or 11, or 12), it is really hard to get up in the 5ish range. Then it is really hard to get into my workout. I did it though. I ran 5 whole miles this morning and I even finished at 49:29. I'm starting to think my shoes are showing some wear because my feet are starting to not like the running. I've been kinda hobbling around today as my right heel feels a little bruised. Of course, I'm certain it had nothing to do with walking around all day yesterday in 3 inch heels when I don't normally wear heels.

Ultra-Bitch (I've changed her name. This one is more fun) was in the locker room again today. She wears bright orange cotton thong underwear. Once she got dressed I still couldn't take her seriously because I kept seeing those thongs in my mind. She was also taking up slightly less of the bench today so I didn't get to practice my super negotiating talents and suggest we clear off a little corner and call it Robyn-land.

We are now a week and 3 days out from having potential egg donor activity. I've heard a rumor that once that happens, I'm supposed to start taking some kind of medication. I don't know what or how much so I figure I could just go to the pharmacy and ask for the grab-bag special. I swear this agency thrives on keeping me as much in the dark as possible… that… or they just like paying extra to overnight meds to me while knowing that I'm freaking out because I have no idea what comes next. Our egg donor has also just NOW been sent her STD testing kit which she has to complete before we can do anything. Now, we've HAD 2-3 weeks for this to have been done but it has not. Instead we are doing a rush order on it to make sure everything is back in time. I have never wanted to start my own company more in my life. Seriously, THIS is an internationally renown agency? Anyway, I feel bad griping about it all. I don't honestly mind so much for myself and when I do it, my boys think I'm being stressed out by it all when I am not. Honestly, I just can't pass up the humor opportunity their customer service provides.

BTW - speaking about fertility and surrogacy stuff - I'd just like to make a shout out about the Sex And The City movie/show for those of you going through that that might be having an aneurism because of the way infertility is dealt with by them. I mean, she (Charlotte) is given a 15% chance of naturally getting pregnant due to her cervical fluid being anti-sperm. She takes this as a death sentence for any possible pregnancy when DUH, 15% chance is nearly NORMAL and pretty damn high. Then she adopts which is awesome but she finds herself pregnant in the movie (this is in the previews so I'm not disclosing anything secret.) She gushes about how all she had to do was adopt and stop thinking about it and she got pregnant! Whoo hoo! Well, in real life, people that have infertility issues are not given such a generous 15% shot. Also in real life, when there are real infertility issues, just relaxing and not thinking about it are not going to make real medical issues go away. Thankfully, for my boys dealing with infertility, no one has ever been dumb enough to say "Just relax and it will happen naturally, why all the medical intervention?" Well, because duh really. But when the couple is not two guys (or two women) the general idea is that given time, it will just happen. Truthfully, many people dealing with infertility have actual medical reasons why they are NOT any MORE likely than two gay guys to conceive just by relaxing. The SATC show just kinda spat in the face of infertility when they could've really had an opportunity to deal with a very real issue. That was disappointing. Not that I think they are responsible for educating the public on infertility so I don't really care that much. I guess I just wanted to say… ya… wow… that wasn't so cool of them was it?

I'll sign off now. I'm hoping I wrote about enough hot buttons that more people will feel inclined to enter comments. :) Hey, I'm a grown up. I can take it. What have ya got to say??

Things have been busy around here! I think it has been at least a week since I've been to the gym and I need to get back into that. Not that I have been lounging around or anything. I've gotten in 2 runs in the neighborhood and some biking and some hiking. Not enough to make up for eating like I'm trying to store up trans fats to hibernate for the next 3 years. The biking was honestly more for gas conservation as I did some errands around my neighborhood but it was still exercise. I biked up to the liquor store to pick out some nice bottles of wine to bring to my mom's house as part of her anniversary gift. If you've never biked to a liquor store with a backpack on your back to carry your stash of alcohol home in, lucky you. I'm pretty sure everyone that saw me was ready to sign me up for AA after my obvious license revocation due to too many DUIs. Well, except for the people that saw how clearly out of my element I was in the liquor store. I do hope I got them a nice bottle that they will enjoy because I wouldn't know a Yellow Tail from a Conundrum from a Barefoot or a Smoking Loon even if you gave me their names in pig latin before blindfolding me for the taste test.

The feeling I have of being off the path of righteousness with my health is pretty bad. It isn't the exercise though - even with the lack I've been having. I understand things in life take priority sometimes. It is the way that I mindlessly eat when snacks are available - and they sure have been! Car trips and camping had us buying 'snacks'. While everyone else was sitting around talking and being social and not eating, I was constantly needing to have something in my hands to snack on. It was creepy how I KNEW I was doing it while I did it. I don't typically have stuff like that around for just that reason. There is a part of me though that just says - oh well. You've lost a lot of weight and you know how to get to where you need to be and how to be healthy so if some vacation time and stressful court time (the past week's events - family court stuff - no actual DUIs!!) come along and have you gain a little you can just go back to normal life and bring it back down. I know I can so I have to just not stress about thinking that old obese person is trying to suck me back into her life.

I seem to be writing this backwards in time, with the recent stuff first and the earlier stuff last. Since it's my blog, I'm gonna say deal with it. Memorial day was a fun camping trip my friend Jeanette invited us on. I was very leery about how well all five of us would do with the grown-ups being outnumbered by children 3-2 on this trip. I wasn't so worried about Jessie as she generally sticks near us and finds ways to have fun. Gavin and Asher, on the other hand, can be a handful. Asher actually did fairly well. He enjoyed playing in the dirt and was happy to see another baby there that he could hug, hand cars to, and pile dirt on. Oh the courtships of toddlers… it reminds me of college. He also developed a strange love for running through weedy areas which drove me crazy because of wood ticks and itch weed. (My husband is paranoid about poison ivy. Since I've never experienced poison ivy but HAVE experienced the thrill of rubbing bare legs through itch weed patches - my plant of choice for camping paranoia is itch weed.) I had to keep running after him and bringing him back to the cleared areas.

Gavin was having trouble staying away from the fire. He was bored for the most part and I felt bad about that because he couldn't go off and do anything without someone there and we were all so busy watching the other kids or trying to visit with our friends that going off on hikes all over the place wasn't going to happen. We did do three hikes, 2 with the big groups and 1 with just me and him moments before the massive rainstorm hit. The whole trip was really busy and chaotic for him (i.e. - off from his normal routine - i.e. - a normal vacation) which made it very hard to stay focused and in the moment and his impulse control that we work so hard on was taking a hit… thus the trouble staying away from the fire pit. I feel so bad for him when this happens because how sucky would it be to end every single vacation grounded? But - being consistent as you have to be - that is exactly what he brought back from the trip. I was getting a little irritated because I think other adults assumed that since we were not publicly humiliating Gavin for his lapses in control we were not doing anything at all. I also think that they were assuming that since he kept doing it, we were not doing anything at all to help him learn better control. Not really an assumption that works well with an ADHD kid. Heck, if one "OK, you didn't listen, now you have the consequences to deal with." was all it took - I don't think there would even be a term for ADHD as no one would notice.

Anyway, I'm not going to sour a fun camping trip by dwelling on it. Gavin still talks about how much he loved hiking to Eagle Peak and we all saw cacti (YES, in MINNESOTA!**Correction - WISCONSIN**) at the top. I ended up driving home Sat night with Asher and Jessie while Kris slept there and I was going to get to sleep there (and thus hang out with my friends at night) Sunday night while Kris brought Asher home to sleep in his crib - but Sunday took a turn for the worse with the weather and we packed everything up just before the rain and hail hit. Well, not everything. We had one big tent out that we all huddled under to share our last spaghetti meal with. We couldn't find the forks since it was all packed up so the kids sat on the floor of the tent eating spaghetti with spoons. Oh, and the tick count for the weekend was FIVE! I found one on Asher, one on Gavin, and three on myself. Why on me when the kids were the ones running through the weeds, I do not know. I'll have you know though that there are two things in this world that I absolutely totally completely get creeped out by. Woodticks, and leeches. A very close 3rd is drool which a certain dog named Sam was happy to provide this weekend. I still get the shivers when I think about those ticks crawling around.

After we got home we found out how close we were to some very serious tornados. The "could've"s are pretty scary but we all were quite lucky and safe. Our house was missing some shingles but that was all. One family that was in the storm's path lost their little 2 year old. I hate hearing about that. I still remember a tornado that took a little baby out of her mother's arms back when Gavin was little. We have been very fortunate to not have any real storm experience in our lives.

So here I am, back at work today. Very tired but very ready to get back to normal life.